Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Few seconds without light

Everyday I read fanfictions. Today I read fanfictions. Since I have a one-week holiday, I don't have to worry about looking like panda the next day so I read and read and read until I forgot to eat, drink, pee, sleep, all those voluntary actions and that my name is- what's my name? Sometimes I can't help myself from purposely allowing myself to unconsciously forget everything.

Just as I was about to forget how to even breath, my cheap handphone saved my cheap life by playing my free self-composed crappy ringtone out loud (maximum volume). Of course, I answered the phone to stop the annoying noise from disrupting balance of human life. Unfortunately the subsequent sound received was more annoying; annoying enough to make all my brain cells die of vexation. (Note – My mom and I are hi-spec spec people who use handphones as intercom. We subscribed to Maxis Family Plan so it's free of charge to call. But mainly because I refused to use the house's intercom because I think it's annoying.)

"Dinner's ready," mom nagged vehemently with an auntie's pride. In my opinion, mothers need skill to nag proficiently like real old aunties. A lot of practises are required and they practise on poor husbands and children.

"Oh," I replied monotonically as I hung up. I'm lacking energy because half of my brain cells were dead.

Then and there, quite a few astonishing realisation struck me. The sky was dark, the whole house's first floor was illuminated by only one monitor screen and it was already half past eight. And I felt like shit after spending countless hours reading gay porn literary fictions of exotic genre. Although I love my computer, for the greater love for food, the time to part with my beloved was inevitable. Au revoir, mon amour!

After I'd switched off the monitor, my poor eyes can't detect light and it discreetly cursed my stinginess in saving a pathetic little bit of electricity. Because cheapskate's gene runs strong in the family, I pretended that I can't find the switches to turn the lights on. And also my emotional response to the absence of light is as stoical as a boring rock's reaction, so walking in darkness to me is like staring dumbly at a hamster running in a hamster wheel.

But before I went downstairs for food I had to get my retainer box first. This curse commonly known as wearing and removing retainers when eating is the aftereffect of dental braces. Children, dentists are not that bad compare to orthodontists. Back to the story, retainer box was in my room which is about 7 meters away from standing point next to computer. The surrounding was pitch black. I'm too damn stingy to turn on the damn lights. So my journey in the dark began. Like idiots in drama, I monologued during this pathetic 7-meter journey.

Dramatic soliloquy:
Che. Even though I see no shit, secretly I've a sixth sense so finding my way in the dark is piece of cake. I don't have to rely on light bulbs. I'm not really a fan of Thomas Edison to begin with. Besides, even without sixth sense, my sense of direction at home is awesome because undeniably I'm such a genius and have awesome sensory, short term and long term memories. I would NEVER get lost in my own house. In short, I'm just downright awesome. Not that I'm a narcissist or anything. Narcissists love and brag about their superiorities whereas I only… Okay, maybe I am a narcissist but so what? I'm so smart I don't need approval to brag. Ah ha ha ha! Plus given my remarkably high IQ, philosophical wisdom, calm and composed attitude, admirable dignity, great personality, fantastic-


Ouch! I forgot to leave my room door open for me to not bump silly into it. (Inner self: Yeah some bullshit characteristics you have there.)

No wonder children are afraid of the dark. (Inner self: That's not it. You're just awesomely stupid.)

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